We are only hurting each other
by cassy9
Summary: This fan fiction is about Raymond Reddington and Elisabeth Keen and it is set after episode 20. This is my idea of how the relationship between Red and Lizzie continues after she found out that Red had killed Sam.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Blacklist fan fiction. **

**I hope you enjoy this fan fiction while reading as much, as I enjoyed it while writing and if you would like to review my story, I would really appreciate it.**

**I don't own anything. **

**This fan fiction is about Raymond Reddington and Elisabeth Keen and it is set after episode 20. This is my idea of how the relationship between Red and Lizzie continues after she find out that Red had killed Sam.**

Liz couldn't sleep all night. Too many thoughts were circling through her mind. She couldn't believe that Red had killed Sam. Sam was her father no matter what. It didn't matter that they weren't related by blood. It never made any difference for her nor for him. They were father and daughter. He never gave her the feeling of not being wanted, maybe Sam loved her more than a biology father, because he always felt he had to make up for her not having a real family but he was always enough for her. And now he was gone and it was Red who was responsible for that.

She didn't even had the chance to say goodbye to him. She should have been there. She should have hold his hand but what did she do? She had put her job first and now her father was gone. Liz was completely torn after all. She had just started to trust Red. He was right about Tom and she really thought she could trust him. Even now she still remembered the night she found out about Tom and who did she she run to? To Red. The murderer of her father. Red was to one who comforted her after and even though she tried to be disgusted by it now, she never felt more safe than when he held her that night and told her that everything will be okay. She believed him. She trusted him. Now she was all alone and she couldn't trust anyone. Not anymore.

The inner Turmoil was almost driving her mad. A part of her wanted to hate Reddington for the rest of her life and another part of her pitied herself for losing him, too. He did saved her life more than once but she couldn't feel comfortable in his presence, not anymore. Now she knows better. She should have never let him so deep into her mind and her thoughts. She should have told him to go after he offered to leave. Would he be right here right now, she would tell him to leave her and never come back.

She had lost her father, her husband and in a way she had lost Red. Nothing would ever be the same and she wasn't sure how long she could deal with all of that had happened. Liz really tried to shake off those thoughts but it was almost impossible. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a class of wine.

It was eight o'clock when Liz took Hudson for a walk. She watched him while he sniffed on the green grass and a little smile was shown upon her lips, while she thought _At least I have him._

An hour later she went back and went to work. Liz parked her car and headed straight to the elevator. Unfortunately Red was waiting for her. For a moment she though about going back to her car and drive away. But she knew that this wouldn't solve anything, sooner or later she had to face him. Cooper made it clear that, if she wanted to keep her job, she needed to work with Red despite the fact that she couldn't do it right now.

All she could felt right now was anger. She was angry with Tom for being not what she thought to be, she was even angry with her father for not telling her he knew Red, she was angry with Red for killing Sam. It felt like a betrayal and she realized that she didn't knew Raymond Reddington at all. But the most angry she was with herself for letting Tom playing her like that and for not seeing through him. What kind of profiler was she? She couldn't even see that her husband was a killer and that the man she worked with killed her father. How could she be so blind?

Liz took a few deep breaths and walked straight to the elevator. Red watched her and Liz made sure that there was enough space between them. Red cleared his throat and said "Lizzie, I knew how you feel. I know that you are upset and angry and that you don't understand..." But she didn't let him finished and said with a furious voice " I don't want to hear it. Just stop talking. Spare me your empathy and your explanations. There is nothing you can do."

A moment later the doors of the elevator opened and they both entered it. Liz placed herself away from Red and he knew that, if he didn't wanted to loose her completely, he had to do something. He stepped forward and pushed the stop button. After a second the elevator stopped and Liz closed her eyes for a moment. She knew that this was his doing she didn't needed to see it. Now she was trapped with him in the elevator and she was sure that it would not end well because Reddington always pushed her too far. Liz turned around and watched him for a moment. She avoided eye contact even though she knew that he was searching her eyes. He was standing right in front of the start and stop button. His back was close to the wall and Liz had no chance the get to the button.

Red sighed and a moment later he said "We can't go on like this."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you killed my father." She knew he wouldn't push the button, till he get what he wanted but she couldn't forgive him and she couldn't act like nothing happened.

"Lizzie, I didn't simply killed Sam. I did put him out of his misery. He didn't wanted to suffer."

"Go on. Keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel any better... Now push the button."

"No, I won't, not until we have solved this."

This was too much for and while she stormed to him and tried to push the button, she almost screamed "Solve this? You killed him. We can never solve this."

Liz stood directly in front of him and tried to get to the button, but Red somehow managed to grab her arms. She tried to escape but his grasp around her amrs tightened and he whispered "Stop fighting me." But she didn`t and continued to try to somehow get out of his grasp. After some minutes Lizzie realized that she wasn`t strong enough, she couldn`t escape him. She couldn`t even kick him because somehow he had made sure that his leg was between her legs. She breathed heavily from all the exhausting attempt to get her amrs free. Suddently she stopped and realized how close their bodies were. There was no space between and she started to feel uncomfortable. She took a few breaths and said "Let me go!" But all Red did was softened his grasp on her while he sought out her eyes. Liz groaned in anger, she couldn`t believe him and a new flush of anger rushed through her vains but she swallowed it and said with a sad voice "What do you want from me? Shall we pretend it never happended?"

A moment later she finally met his eyes and Red saw the desperation, the hurt and the anger in her eyes and he couldn't take it. Maybe they have reached the end of the road and there was no exit. Maybe he should just leave and let her be. He didn't say anything and so Liz continued "We are only hurting each other. Look at us." That was the moment when he realized that he was still grasping her arms and he loosed his grasp completely while Lizzie stepped back. For a moment she rubbed her wrist while Red watched her and softly said "I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you." The space between them was good for both of them now, both needed to recover from the quarrel.

Red sought out her eyes and said with sad voice "You probably never forgive me and now you even have a reason to hate me but I will do everything I can to protect you."

"Why? Because of my father? You know what? Whatever debt you might thought you owe him.. is payed. You don't need to protect me anymore. I don't want your protection. I don't even want you close to me."

"Whether you want or need my protection is not your choice to make. I will protect you no matter what."

Red pushed the button and the elevator started to drive again. A moment later they entered the post office.


	2. Chapter 2

Some weeks later after everything that happened with Sam and Tom, Red thought that Liz and he could find a way to get over everything that happened because after all she stopped him from flying away that day, but yet her coldness regarding him hadn't changed and he really hated that. But there was always a way, he just didn't knew which way but he would figure it out. He was a patient man and he could wait.

It was early morning when Red entered the post office and spoke about the new criminal on his blacklist. He and Liz would have to go uncover. Well, he could do it alone but he wanted to spend some time with her alone, he wanted to make it right and so this opportunity, a meeting with one of his associates in Puerto Rico, was just perfect. They would stay in his associates Villa in San Juan and he would introduce her as his girlfriend. She couldn't escape then.

Red was finished and Liz stood up, turned to Cooper and said "You don't expect me to spend an entire weekend in Puerto Rico." But before Cooper could answer, Red said "That is exactly what I expect."

"No." was her reply but then Cooper said in a serious tone "Agent Keen, a word."

Red left the room and the post office. Now he had some doubts about his plan, maybe he was pushing her too far but the conversation they had in the elevator was long ago and nothing has chanced since that.

Liz followed Cooper into his office. Cooper watched her a moment and said after he sighed deeply "I know that this is all a burden to you but there is no other way."

"You are putting me into an impossible situation, Sir."

"I know but your personal sensitivities are... unimportant."

"Personal sensitivities? He killed my father and just because I decided not to leave doesn't mean that everything is going back to normal. I said I will continue to work with him but that doesn't include a weekend in Puerto Rico."

"Reddington is too important. As much as I despise him and as I much as I hate him,... I have to admit that we need him, Keen. We need him... He is only on our side, if you are with us."

"It can't be always up to me. It is just not fair. "

" We have to play by his rules. I don't like it either. I am sorry, Keen. I really am."

"Yeah,... I am sorry too."

Liz stormed out of the post office and drove to the safe house were Reddington was currently staying. She knocked at the door and a moment later Dembe opened the door and greeted her "Agent Keen...Raymond is in the living room."

"Thank you, Dembe." she said and went straight into the living room. Liz spotted Red, who was standing in front of the window and watched the sun going down. He heard Liz walking in and without turning around he said "Lizzie, come here and watch the sunset. It is beautiful when the last rays of sunshine, shimmer through the brushwood."

"I know what you are trying to do and it won't work." A moment later he turned around, faced her and asked in an innocent way " Please do enlighten me.. What am I trying to do?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I mean."

"I am sorry, Lizzie. I don't... The yet will be ready at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, don't be late."

His ignorance was unbearable and in an angry way she asked "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what, Lizzie?"

"Forcing me to spend an entire weekend with you?" His heart skip a beat in that moment because now he realized how she saw their relationship. She couldn't even spend some time with him. She did find him so repulsive that she couldn't do that.

He breathed deeply and sighed deeply before he asked "Will you ever get over what happened to Sam?"

"How am I supposed to get over that?"

"Do you even want to get over what happened?"

"I don't know. What do expect from me, Red?"

"I don't expect anything, Lizzie."

"Well, than stop acting like you do. Do you really think just because I came to you and want to find Berlin changes anything? It doesn't. The only reason I came to you, was to find Berlin and to get answers. Unfortunately I can't get the information I want without you. That is why I stopped you."

"So I will be from now on and forever the man who killed your father?"

"That is exactly what you are, isn't it."

"No, it is not what I am. It was more than difficult for me. I already told you that and it was the truth."

"Difficult for you. I am sure it was. You almost kill people on a daily basis. Can't be that hard."

Then there it was in his eyes again. The hurt she saw just like the hurt she saw after he admitted that he killed Sam and she told him that they were done. But this time the expression and the look on his face were plus something else. She couldn't really phrase it, maybe it was desperation but on the other hand she didn't believe that he could actually feel something like that or even remorse and yet his eyes were getting watery and his voice was low and defeated when he said "This is not going to work. I don't think I can be forever the murderer of your father in your eyes. I really thought.. we could find a way but that seems impossible and I can't take the look in your eyes every time you look at me... I though that all you needed... was some time but I was wrong, wasn't I? You even repulse the idea spending a weekend with me... Do you really hate me that much?... You will never forgive me and I am not willing to be seen like this. I won't apologize for what I did because after all I did put Sam out of his misery and you can believe it or not but I never had do anything that was that hurtful to me. And your mistreat.. I though I could take it but... I can't, Lizzie. Even if it is hard for you to believe I am after all just a man and I can't bear your hate anymore. I will protect and I will help you finding Berlin and the answers you seek but from now on we do it my way and I will send everything you need for your work to you. You won't have to face me anymore and you don't have to go with me. I will go alone and send everything you need to the post office."

For a moment she was speechless. Did he just ended their working-relationship?

Liz took a deep breath and said a little confused "I don't understand."

"What is not to understand, Agent Keen? I spare you the impossible weight off working with me, seeing me and being close to me."

Agent Keen. The only time he called her that was the first time she visited him in the box. Even if she denied it, she did like the way he said her name. It was comforting the way he said it. She looked at him in a questioning way and asked with a wavering voice "You are ending our partnership? Just like this."

Red chuckled and replied "Partnership.. Oh really... That is what you call this? All I see.. is an angry woman who hates me and can not stand to be close to me. You have all you wanted. Now you are free of me and still get your answers and Berlin, if you want. Dembe will bring you to your car." Reddington turned around and wanted to leave the room but her voice stopped him."Are you throwing me out?"

This question lingered in the room for a moment before he turned around again to faced her. Red sought out her eyes and said in a sad voice "I am not throwing you out. I am telling you that you are free. You can go now. I will never bother you again. Isn't that what you wanted all along?"

She didn't knew what to say, turned around and was on her way out. Red watched her go and he knew that, if she stepped outside he wouldn't have the chance again to be so close but he couldn't play around anymore. He was hurt and he simply could bear her refusal and the look in her eyes. It was too much.

Liz reached for the door knob and every part of her screamed to go. She would be free but one part of her detained her to actually turn the doorknob around and leave. She breathed deeply for a moment, turned around and went into the living room, where Red was still standing in front of his window. His eyes have followed every move of her.

Suddenly all her anger exploded and she screamed at him "You don't get to decide about this. You came into my life, ruined everything I had and now you just want to leave... Who do you think you are? All the bad things that happened to me, happened because of you and now you just want to quit." Liz wasn't the only one who was angry now. Red raised his voice a little, when he replied "If I am the reason for all the bad things, than you must be more than happy to get rid off me. "

"So this is it? You are leaving me alone?"

"Isn't that what you want?"

"It seems to be what you want, Red."

Red stepped a little closer to her and his voice changed again. The angry tone was almost gone and mixed with sadness which he couldn't hide when he said "Don't bring this on me. I want nothing more than to help you and protect you. Nothing in this world means more to me, than you do. Nothing..." Red stopped for a moment and with a coarse voice he continued "But I don't have a flinty heart and honestly... I endured your refusal long enough. I am done. I can't take it anymore. Believe or not.. your disapprove does affect me... and I can't pretend that it doesn't, not anymore. If all you see in me, is the murderer of your father, than there is no way I can be around you anymore. ….Maybe you were right and we are only hurting each other. Maybe it is for the best, if we part company." Liz swallowed hard while their eyes were still locked. She didn't know how to respond and all she could say was "You killed him."

"Yes, I did. I ended his suffering. But to you I am a monster. I know that you are angry and I did let you put it out on me but I can't be forever your punching bag."

"Red, I.. I can't chance how I feel."

"No, you can't and neither can I, nor can I change the past and even, if I could, I would always end his suffering because I loved Sam."

Liz broke the eye contact for a moment because she felt tears burning in her eyes. She took a deep breath, faced him again and almost whispered "I ...I just don't know how to get over it."

He wanted to comfort her, console her but he couldn't. He was in pain, too. She had to go over it alone. He knew that and yet he made another step towards her. He almost lifted his hand to touch her. God knows how bad he wanted to. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and comfort her but he couldn't. He had to protect himself. He looked away and said "Maybe you get over it, if you don't have to see me anymore. Maybe, if go through that door, you will feel much better. And maybe you can heal." With that said he looked into her eyes again.

They were both silent. Wrapped in their own thoughts. It was definitely a turning point and they both knew it. This moment would settle their relationship and it could go both ways but Liz didn't move. She was still standing there even though he did let her go. She didn't wanted to go. Or maybe she wanted, but she couldn't. They both didn't knew which one it was.

Red sighed again, he could almost read her mind and a part of him wished she would just leave and maybe he had chance to forget her and stop longing for her. But there was the other part. The so much bigger part that didn't wanted her to leave. The part that didn't even wanted to think about how life would be without her because that part knew that life would be darker without her.

Liz was frozen in that place. She was unable to move. She hadn't realized that she had actually hurt him or maybe she had and she wanted to hurt him. She didn't know which one it was. She didn't even knew what she was feeling right now. She was drawn to him and that was why she didn't told him to leave, when he offered her to go and that was the reason why she stopped him from flying away and why she tried to warn him that the FBI was coming for him. As infuriating he was and as dangerous and confusing as he made her life, she could always count on him. He was always there when she needed him and he always protected her. The truth was that she had treated him like shit in the past weeks and he did endured it as long as he could. In that very moment while they were standing so close and yet so distanced from each other, she realized that she had to make a decision and that he was right. They couldn't go on like this.

While Red was watching her he could almost hear her thoughts. He knew how hard she was fighting with herself and he knew that she learned things tonight she had always been ignoring and now the realization of that did hurt her.

After minutes in silence he said "You have two options now, Lizzie... you can come with me tomorrow and we try to work this out... or you don't come and I will never bother you again. It is your choice to make. But if you don't be there, you need to understand that this is the last time you see me in person and if you decide to show up tomorrow, you need to try to forgive me. You need to find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me. It can't go on like that. It can't."

"I know." it was merely a whisper. He watched her again for a long moment. After all she could decide not to come and this really would be the last time he saw her so close. Red made another small step forward and when he was so close that he could feel her breath, it took every manpower he had to deny himself the feel of touching her. The way she looked at him in that moment would be ached into his memory forever, she wanted and needed comfort but he decided against it and put his hands in his pocket, cleared his throat and said "You should go home, get some rest and try to sleep... Decide what is best for you. What you want and what you need..." he paused and their eyes were still locked and the feeling of wanting to touch her was stronger than before but he wouldn't do that to himself not now, not while everything was in the limbo. He stepped back and continued "The yet will be ready at eight o'clock tomorrow morning." Then he called for Dembe "Dembe, Agent Keen is leaving now."


	3. Chapter 3

Liz was gone and Red walked back to the window. It was already dark outside and while he starred into the pitch black night, thousand thoughts were running through is mind.

_Did he went too far? Would she came back? Was he heartless? Was he too rough on her? Was he too selfish? Was he trying to force her to forgive him? _

Maybe she only needed more time. He was angry and impatient, totally untypical for him but that was all her doing. She could bring the best in him and yet the worst. For the first time in a long time, Red really started to doubt himself and his actions. Where was his devotion and fondness for her, leading him? It was leading him into a place he didn't like.

He couldn't think clearly and poured himself a glass of scotch. While the scotch flowed down his throat, a part of him regretted already that he gave her an ultimatum because after all she could decide not to come. He could lose her and than there was no turning back. He was already too close, even though he promised himself not to get too close and yet he was powerless, when it came to her. Liz had taken his heart by storm and there was nothing he could do about that. He didn't even wanted to picture a life without her. It was too painful. Before she knew about Sam they were so close and she really started to trust him and since he admitted that he killed Sam, all of that trust was gone and he was the monster again. He was fed up with being the monster. He emptied his glass and went into his bedroom.

Lizzie felt numb when she went back home. It was all like a dream. So unreal. Was it even possible to hurt Raymond Reddington. According to him it was and she was the reason for the pain he felt. But he did hurt her too. They continued to hurt each other and that would probably never stop. All was messed up and right now Liz was sure that there was no way back.

Finally she entered her apartment and went straight into her bedroom. She was exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep.

But sleep eluded her that night. Even though she needed nothing more than a resting and deep sleep, life wasn't that easy. Instead of sleeping she counted the hours and with each passing minute her confusion started to grow more and more.

She tried to tell herself that she need him to get the answers she wanted but deep inside, she knew that it wasn't just about that. Red had a place in her heart nobody else ever had. Despite all the bad things he did and what happened to her because of him, there had never been anyone who took all the risk he took for her. She remember what he said to her.

_None of that is worse than losing you. _

_Why did he felt like that about her?_ He wasn't her father, she knew that now but that confused her even more. The way he cared about her, indicated a level of devotion, a stranger simply couldn't feel. She couldn't figure him out and she probably never would. Just like she would never knew the whole story. Liz believed that he cared and look after her because he made a promise to her father but she could also be entirely wrong. Red was able to confuse and irritate her on levels, nobody else ever did and it was frustrating not knowing why he did what he did. _Could she really trust him?_ Maybe she was nothing more than a game. But that was hard to believe when she recalled the look in his eyes when she told him that they were done. He had the same look in his eyes when he asked her to make a decision. _What was she to him and why was she so important to him? _There wasn't even a definition for the kind of relationship they had. She was completely confused when it came to him and she was even more confused when she thought about her feelings regarding him. He was nothing but affectionate to her and the way he looked at her, the way he hold her gaze and the way he touch her was sometimes just too much. All those actions confused her more and more and she hated nothing more than being confused. _Would being away from him ease her confusion or would it cause more? But was she really capable of letting him go? _There were many times, when she tried to convince herself that she didn't care about him, that she can't even stand him and yet his actions made it impossible not to care.

Liz mistreated him on more than one occasion. She told Red to go to hell. She told him that he is a monster and she meant it, they both knew it. She told him that they were done and he endured it all. All that Red wanted, was her forgiveness. _Was that asked too much?_ She had no answer. Liz remembered how Sam suffered all the time, when he was in a hospital. She knew that he only suffered because he didn't wanted to leave her. Even though her eyes were still closed she could see Sam like he was standing right in front her and a moment later she saw Red`s face and the look in his eyes, when he told her about Sam. She had never seen him like that. He was truly hurt and in pain but she was too. This was her way out and yet she didn't know, if she really wanted out. It was still dark and her watched showed her that it was half past five. She still had some time to make up her mind.

It was seven o'clock, when Raymond Reddington arrived at his yet. Slowly but surely he was getting nervous. He didn't knew how he would continue, if she didn't show up. All night he couldn't sleep, his mind was circling around the same questions over and over again but he wasn't smarter than before. Everything was still in the limbo. His hands were sweating, he didn't even remember the last time he had sweating hands. It was unbelievable what Liz had done to him. He was too vulnerable when he was with her, he hated that but being apart from her, would be much worse. That was the only thing he knew right now. Everything else was behind a foggy curtain and all he could do, was wait. Red closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He needed to focus on something else or he would go crazy. On the small table were placed some papers, he took them and read them but he couldn't concentrate on that.

After a while he glanced at his watch and saw that it was 7:50, his heartbeat rapidly quickened. In less than ten minutes he would know how his life would continue. Red did put the paper into a bag and looked through the window. With each passing minute his heart skipped another beat. Three minutes later a car was arriving and some seconds later Elisabeth Keen stepped out of the car.

Red`s heart skipped another beat but this time because he was overwhelmed by his own feelings. All the fear he felt, disappeared in that very moment when she stepped out of that car and was replaced with pure relief. After everything that had happened he didn't dare to hope and yet Red had every reason to hope, when his Lizzie showed up. Liz watched him for a moment through the window and with a deep breath and the convinced feeling that she did the right thing, she walked to the stairs. Some seconds later Red was waiting for her at the end of the stairs. For another moment they were simply watching each other in equal relief. Liz smiled lightly at him and Red said while he winked at her "I hope you brought a bikini. The weather in Puerto Rico is quite sunny. 40 degrees at the moment and a light breeze. Perfect weather for a bath in the ocean."

After that she followed him into the yet and they placed themselves in the seats face to face. A moment later the yet started the machines and was ready to fly. Red studied Liz till the yet was in the air. He needed to asked "Why did you came?"

She looked away for a moment, watched the clouds and the sky. Some seconds later she turned to face him and said in a soft voice "I treated you wrong.. so many times but you never gave up on me and maybe it is time for me to give you the same courtesy... You were right.. I treated you like a punching bag. That wasn't fair and you didn't deserved that. ... It was easy to blame you for all that had happened. And in some way it is all your fault but I am sure that it wasn't intentionally. Well, I hope it wasn't intentionally." For a second he frowned and his eyes showed concern, when he said with a deep and soft voice "I never wanted to hurt you and if I could take the pain away I would do it instantly, Lizzie. I am sorry I brought so much heartache and danger into your life."

"I want to believe you. I really want to. I just don't know, if I can."

Red sighed and with a breathy voice he continued "You can believe me and you can trust me. You can count on me and I promise you that I will never.. let anything happen to you."

For a moment there was silence while they were looking into each others eyes. Since they started to talk, Red`s eyes hadn't left her for a second. Liz breathed out and with a stern voice, she warned him "Don't make me regret this decision, if there is anything else I should know about.. Sam ... You have to tell me now, Red."

"Lizzie...all you need to know about Sam is that he loved you more than anything else in this world. That is all you need to know about Sam."

Lizzie nodded and focused on his eyes when she asked "Is there anything I should know about my.. real father?"

Red simply watched her for a moment and hesitated fro a moment. After all he had no desire to talk about that man and yet he know that he had to meet her halfway.

"Your father is dead, Lizzie."

"How can you be sure? I know you said he died in that fire but Tom said that he is alive."

"Tom didn't knew anything."

"But how can you be so sure, Red? Tell me,..." She stopped a moment and almost pleaded " Please."

"Lizzie."

"Don't Lizzie me. You owe me and if you want this... us... to work you need to show a little cooperation on your side."

Red bit his inner cheek and said after a long pause "I saw him dying in that fire."

"You were there? Was it the same fire, I thought he rescued me from?"

"Yes, it was that fire."

"Why were you there, Red?"

He was silent for a moment and the look in his eyes changed. He shook his head and his mind drifted somewhere else. Liz had little hope that he would tell her and yet she patiently waited for him to speak again. Red leaned over the small table, took his glass and a had a sip. Then he put the glass back on the table and watched her. A smirk was showing on his face when he finally spoke again with a husky voice. "After last night I thought I would never see you again."

"Why were you there, Red?"

"Believe it or not,.. I was scared you wouldn't show up."

"Was it even him, who rescued me?"

He simply smiled at her and with a soft almost whispering vice he said "I am sorry for being so harsh last night but I thought it was the only way to resolve.. this."

"Why were you in that fire? Why aren't you telling me everything. Why do you have to be so mysterious and why are you keeping all those secrets. How can I trust you, if you won't tell me things like this?..."

"When you left me last night I thought you wouldn't show up today."

Anger swelled in Lizzie and she deeply sighed. Reddington was the limit. It was like talking to a wall. That road was closed for now. She knew it. She could see it in his eyes, he wouldn't tell her anything more. She could bug him all day and he would simply ignore her question. It was pointless. Liz needed to avoid his gaze for a moment. She looked out of the window and took deep breaths. She didn't wanted to give him the feeling that they were completely back on track and yet she acknowledged his hurt and she was sorry for it but she couldn't bring herself to apologize. It was too much too ask. Liz knew what he wanted to hear. As impossible as it sounded but in that very moment Raymond Reddington, Concierge of Crimes, wanted nothing more than her assurance that she felt the same way like he did. She felt his glare on her skin without looking at him. And in that very moment she realized something she didn't knew before. She would always give in to him. Liz didn't knew why and maybe it didn't matter but it was as sure as hell frightening. But she was drawn to him and there was no point in denying that. Some moments later she surrendered and her eyes caught his when she said in a remorseful tone "I thought that too but I couldn't turn my back on you."

"Why?"

"Because.. I felt like I have lost everything and I couldn't loose you too,... not after everything we been through..."

"Lizzie,.."

"Don't get me wrong, Red. I am still trying to cope with everything. I need time to digest everything... I know that my father suffered.. I know that he was in pain but that doesn't change anything. You didn't even told me that you knew him. And we both know that you didn't told me that because you knew, that if I had asked him, he would have told me, whatever it is you still hiding from me and even now you are not answering my questions."

"To protect you. One day you will get all the answers to all your questions. I promise you that."

He paused a moment and looked out of the window. Liz watched him and she didn't knew why but she believed him. His words seem to be honest and true. Red turned his head to face her again and their eyes met again.

"I am glad you came, Lizzie." She smiled at him and replied " So am I."


	4. Chapter 4

They still smiled at each other and a moment later Red said "I have to warn you about Ricardo. He is a womanizer and there is no limit to his ambition."

"Something you have in common with him."

Red simply chuckled and Lizzie continued "I am curious, what exactly do you need me to do?"

"I need you to make him jealous. Last time I met him, he she showed up with an 25 year old blond woman and she certainly had no interest in me."

"And that shattered your confidence."

"No, she didn't know what she missed,... her bad. And now, when he is trying to flirt with you.. all you have to do is rebuff him and tell him that your are.. helplessly and desperately .. in love with me." Liz raised an eyebrow and asked in disbelief "That is all?"

"That is all"

"Correct me, if I am wrong but... am I just here to rehabilitate you?... That is ridiculous, Red."

"It is not ridiculous. I have an image to protect and besides that.. I wanted to spend some time with you alone. Away from the post office and the daily stress. Somewhere, where you can relax. You deserve a time out and since you refuse to take a vacation, I saw that as a perfect opportunity and Ricardo will give us information about the new Blacklister."

"And we are pretending to be a couple?"

"Yes, we are."

"How do we met?"

"I really don't know.. Cuba, Haiti, London, ..." Red paused and examined her shocked face. A moment later he continued "Relax.. nobody wants to hear the whole story and Ricardo will be satisfied with whatever I tell him."

"Fine... Who is that new Blacklister of yours?"

"William Nallend. He transfers money for Ricardo and I need to know where he is because he stole money from me and the only chance to get this information from Ricardo is when he is drunk."

"Just because he stole your money?"

"I believe he is transferring Berlin's money, too. William has many talents and he is very expensive. He can be as silent as a grave about his clients and Berlin knows that, too."

"With him we maybe get Berlin." Red nodded and a moment later Dembe brought him a drink and asked while looking at Liz "Can I bring you something?"

She smiled softly and replied "No, thank you. I am fine."

"Don't be so modest, Lizzie. I have an excellent bar and Dembe is quite the cocktail mixer."

"It is a bit early."

"Or late. When we land in Puerto Rico, it will be seven o'clock in the evening. So the question of being early or late depends on which side you're looking at."

Liz looked at Dembe again and answered "Nevertheless, I am fine." Dembe looked at Red and a moment later he disappeared again.

Red watched after Dembe for a moment and then his focus shifted to Liz again. He considered her attentively and saw light rims of the eyes. Some seconds later he said with a charming smile and a soft voice "You look tired, Lizzie. Why don't you try to sleep a little? The flight takes a few hours." She gave him a smile and said in a husky tone "I am tired... Do you really think we can make it work?"

"That depends entirely on you."

"I am trying. I really do. "

"I know, Lizzie." With that said, she was finally able to close her eyes. Red watched her and he was still overwhelmed by his own feelings. She was here right in front of him and yet he couldn't believe that she was here. Yesterday all was dark and now the light is shinning again. If he was truly honest to himself he had no idea how he would have coped with life without her. His heart was always beating a little bit faster, when she was around him and with her, life didn't seemed so unfair and hard after all. He simply felt alive with her and he wasn't willing to give that up, even though he put all his eggs in one basket last night. Maybe there was mercy after all because he had won her back. Words weren't even enough for what he felt when he saw her arriving. Raymond Reddington had truly lost his heart to Elisabeth Keen. For a long time he thought that he would never feel like that again but he did and she was responsible for that. As much as he enjoyed feeling like that he also knew that it was dangerous to feel like this. He couldn't allow himself to get too attached to someone in that way and yet it did already happen. When he watched her sleeping so peacefully he wished time would stop just for some time because he would never get tired of watching her.

Some hours later the yet was landing and Red turned to Liz. He observed her and said "Remember we are a couple and you are very much in love with me." Liz sighed deeply, raised an eye brow and said "I haven't forget that. Relax. I can play my part very convincing, if I want to."A moment later Dembe opened the door of the yet and Red and Liz stepped out. Ricardo was already waiting for them. Liz examined him and realized that he was a very handsome man. He had piercing blue eyes, his skin tanned, his body was in good shape, he couldn't be older than 45 and his short dark hair top his appearance off. No wonder a twenty five year old fell for him thought Lizzie while she watched Red stepping in front of her and embracing Ricardo. A moment later Red said "This is Elisabeth." Ricardo stepped to her, took her hand, placed a soft kiss on her hand and said in a sexy South American accent "It is my pleasure to meet you Elisabeth."

Twenty minutes later they arrived at Ricardo`s villa. It was a beautiful mansion placed in front of the sea. Liz was stunned by it and Ricardo told her that he designed the entire house by himself. Red placed his hand on Liz's back and a moment later a young woman placed herself besides Ricardo. Ricardo looked at Red and said "This is Mica, she will show you to your room and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I have to excuse myself for a short while and you can get settled in." Red leaded Liz forward and said "Thank you, Ricardo."

Two minutes later Red and Liz entered their room. The furnishing was really elegant and luxurious. Liz looked around and a moment later she asked in a shocked way, while she pointed towards the bed "How is this going to work?"

Red grinned at her, raised his hands in an innocent way and said "Don't worry, I can control myself."

"There is no way I am sleeping in that bed with you... I mean beside you." Red wanted to joke about that but he assumed that it was too soon. He smiled devious at her and replied "Well, suit yourself. The couch does look comfortable."

"You will sleep on that couch, Red."

"Oh.. no... I won't."

"Yes, you will."

"Lizzie, I will not sleep on that couch and you can either sleep next to me or you are sleeping on that couch." Before Liz could continue to argue with him, somebody knocked at the door. Red walked to the door and Lizzie said in a serious tone "This is not over, Reddington."

He chuckled and opened the door. Liz could hear Ricardo saying "Raymond, my friend, is everything to your contentment?"

"It is indeed. You have an exquisite and excellent taste."

"I am pleased to hear that. Diner will be ready at nine, I though we dine at the terrace and watch the sunset."

Half an hour later Red was sitting on the bed and waited for Liz. A moment later she came out of the bathroom and he was speechless. She was wearing a creamy low-cut dress and she had never been looking more beautiful than right now. Liz watched him for a moment. He didn't wear a suit. He simply wore a black trouser and a white long-sleeved shirt. Red raised from the bed, stepped closer to her and in a low voice he said "You are stunningly beautiful." Liz blushed a little and avoided the eye contact with him till he continued "Don't look so embarrassed, Lizzie. It is only the truth and I am completely under-dressed."

"No, you're not. I like it. You look... debonair."

"I can live with that. We should go." Red stepped closer to her and took her hand in his. Two minutes later they were on the Terrace.

The terrace was nicely decorated. Flowers, plants and candles were place around the table. The atmosphere was more than inviting. Red, Liz and Ricardo took their places on the table. Red and Liz could see the sun going down and Ricardo was facing them. The sunset was beautiful and soothing in a way. The play of colors between fire-red, yellow, orange and the ocean blue was simply amazing. The breathtaking scenery was relaxing and Liz felt totally unbent. She actually enjoyed herself for the first time in a long time. The truth was, she couldn't even recall the last time she was so relax and at ease.

The red wine was really delicious and she already had her second glass. By now she was already a little tipsy but she didn't mind. Liz even moved closer to Red and her left hand wandered from his shoulder to his neck. Softly she massaged his neck and paid double attention to his scar. The scar she was responsible for. Liz's mind shut down and all she realized was the softness of Red's neck, his unique scent and how good it felt to be so close to him. All her senses were stimulated in more than one way. She was intoxicated by Red`s scent and the sweet lingering taste of the wine on her tongue. Everything else was miles away, right now she didn't thought about work or Tom. Right now she was savoring every minute.

Red noticed the change in her and he also savored every minute he felt her soft hand caressing his neck. It was like heaven and even he had a hard time following Ricardo`s words. This went on for minutes and right before the sun was finally drawn into the sea, Dembe came from behind, caught Red`s attention and waited. Red nodded and a moment later he stood up but not without touching her knee and saying "I'll be right back." Actually he wanted to go for a kiss but he knew that this was probably too much too ask and while he walked straight to Dembe and he painfully acknowledged the absence of her hand on his neck. When he finally reached Dembe he asked himself how much wine she had drunk.

Now Ricardo and Liz were sitting alone at that table. They looked at each other and Ricardo said with a charming smile "Forgive my boldness but why did a woman like you, fell for a man like Raymond? Don't take this wrong way I like Raymond but he is an arrogant and selfish old man and your are a very attractive, beautiful, young and smart woman and I am sure that you don't have a problem with potential lovers... So I am curious why him when you could have any other man?" Liz smiled back, took a sip of her glass and answered " What makes you so sure I could have any other man?"

"I am so sure because I have eyes and ears. Most women are smart or beautiful but it is a rarity that they are both and you are."

"Thank you."

"It is only the truth, Elisabeth. Please do enlighten me, why Raymond?"

Liz cleared her throat and a moment later she answered "I fell in love with him because... he makes me laugh, he is very attentive,.. he is a gentleman in every way and he makes me feel... special... like nothing and no one else matters. He knows me probably better than I do and he knows what I need... He cares more than anybody else for me and nothing is more important to him than I am... I feel it in.. every look, in every touch, in every moment we spend together." Ricardo studied her for a moment and then he said smilingly "So that is the secret making a woman truly fell in love with a man."

Liz gave him a bright smile and agreed with him "I guess that is the secret."

Red came from behind and asked "What secret?" Ricardo turned to face Red and said "Raymond, my friend you should know better than anybody else not to tell secrets, especially not those of a woman." Red placed himself besides Liz again and took her hand in his. He softly stroked his thumb over her knuckles. To his surprise Liz didn't restrain him from doing so in fact she even placed her other hand on his thigh and caressed it in circles. Red couldn't help it he had to smile because it felt so good feeling her hands on his skin. He indulged in that feeling as long as could. Some minutes later Mica came and Ricardo excused himself. Red breathed deeply, took sip of his glass and then he stood up, offered Liz his hand and said in a deep seductive voice "Dance with me."

Liz looked at him a bit confused and asked "Where?"

"Right here.. the terrace is big enough. We had a nice dinner, fine wine and now it is time to dance, don't you think?"

"Red,... we don't even have music. How are we..." But he didn't let her finished and while his eyes almost pleaded, he hoarsely said "One dance is all I am asking, Lizzie."

Liz couldn't resist, she took his hand and let herself lead by him. Some moments later their bodies were only inches apart and he swayed her slowly around. Liz placed her head on his shoulder and buried her face in his neck. For a long moment they both enjoyed the silence and closeness of each other.

"Red?"

"Yes."

"The bed issue is still not resolved." He could feel her smiling against his neck and said in a serious tone "I don't know what you mean, Lizzie. I am perfectly resolved with that issue."

"You know exactly what I mean."

He loved teasing her and with a bright smile he disagreed "I have no earthly idea what you are talking about."

Liz raised her head and caught his eyes while she said "You're lying."

"No, I am not. I made my point clear so.. we.. have no issue.. you.. on the other hand have an issue... not me... therefor I am not lying, Lizzie."

"That logic of yours is infuriating... you are the most infuriating man I know, Red Do you know that?... You are a wiseacre." Red laughed, leaned closer to her ear and whispered "I take that as a compliment."

"It wasn't a compliment, Red."

"I know." Liz buried her head in his neck again and a moment later Red said "You are looking breathtaking tonight. Ricardo has already cast an eye at you."

"That was the plan, wasn't it. You are not jealous, are you?"

"Why would I? I am holding the most magnificent woman in my arms and I am dancing with her. All he is allowed to do is look." Liz smiled again and replied "Maybe I will dance with him later." Red chuckled again and pulled her closer to him. There was no space between them anymore. He was tempting fate because all he wanted to right now was to kiss her. He had to fight hard against that urge because she was too seductive. Feeling her body so close to his, smelling her scent so intensive and feeling her soft skin on his own was more than he could take.

While they were dancing on the terrace time stood still for both of them. There were just the two of them surrounded by the scent of each other, the salty ocean and the stars shinning down on them. After a while Ricardo came back cleared his throat and asked "Am I interrupting something?"

Red and Liz parted a little but he still held her hand and said "Yes you are, because you have no sense of decency."

Ricardo laughed and said "I apologize but I am sure you have time for that later. Juan arrived and he wants to speak with you."

Red and Liz followed Ricardo inside the villa. Red talk to Juan and Ricardo. Liz didn't really followed the conversation because it was simply boring. She occupied herself with touching his arm, his tights and every time she could feel him tense when her hand wandered almost too high. She simply smiled and had another sip of her glass.

Two hours later Red and Liz went back to their room. Dembe had the room right next to them. Liz and Red were swaying arm in arm to their room because Liz was a little bit more than tipsy by now. When they finally reached the door Red`s foot stumbled against the door and Liz giggled with a finger on her mouth "Shh... don't be so loud. You are waking Dembe."

Red thought it was fun. Tipsy and drunken Lizzie was totally fun. He let her step in first and closed the door behind him. A moment later he said "Where is the light?"

"I don't know Red..." she stopped and whispered in a serious tone again "Be quiet. Dembe needs his beauty sleep." Red smiled again and softly replied "You do need your beauty sleep, too."

Liz stepped forward and struggled against Red. If he hadn't caught her she would be lying on the floor. Red studied her for a moment and while he still held her in his arms he asked " Are you okay?" Liz sought out his eyes, placed a hand on his chest and his heartbeat quickened again. Suddenly he felt so intoxicated as if he had too much wine but it was all her doing. Their eyes were locked and he wanted to asked again if she was okay but she spoke first "I never.. wanted to hurt you, Red. I am so sorry for... everything... I just... never know where I am at with you and I... I just want to... " A second later she embrace him and hold tight to him as if she was afraid he would disappear. Red gently stroked her hair and pulled her as close as he could.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note**

**Hi everybody,**

**I just wanted to thank you all for your kind reviews. I am really glad that some people do like my story and I wanted to apologized for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Unfortunately English isn't my native language. But I am trying to improve with every chapter.**

The scent of her her warm body was lingering in his nose but he couldn't allow himself to get lost in her. Red was already too close and yet he was powerless and couldn't break the contact because holding her in his arms felt too good.

After a while Liz caressed his back in gently circles. Her hands moved slowly up and down, while her face was still buried in his neck. Some seconds later he felt her lips on his neck. She softly kissed the scar she gave him. Red closed his eyes and savored the moment. It was much more intensive and better than any dream he ever had about her. Red could definitively become inured to Lizzie's behavior. But a moment later he was back in reality and while his eyes were still closed, he softly asked "How much wine did you have, Lizzie?" Her lips left his scar and she deeply breathed in before she answered "I am not that drunk." A second later she returned her attention to his neck again. Her lips were softly brushing over his scar and then they made their way up to his jaw. Red felt ethereal and a moment later his hands wandered around her back while her lips found his chin. Her hands left his back and wandered to his chest. Liz took her time with his chest and tenderly caressed it. In the mean time her lips wandered from his chin to the other side of his neck. After kissing one spot softly, she started to suck with lust. She definitively wanted to leave a mark on him. Red realized how easy it would be to beguile her into sleeping with him right now.

_But what about tomorrow_ he asked himself.

He wanted more than a one-night stand. One time would never be enough, he would always want more of her.

She wasn't herself or maybe she was but he knew, she would hate him even more, if he would take advantage of her, despite of the fact that her body and his body wanted nothing more than to feel each other. It was really hard for him not to give in his passion for her. He desired her, her body, everything about her and he wanted nothing more than to pursue his passion for her but he couldn't. He couldn't lose his self-control, no matter how much he wanted to. It was almost impossible for him to pull away but he had to because, if this would continue he would give in. Red slowly opened his eyes, took her head in his hands and said with a coarse voice "You should sleep, Lizzie." Liz's eyes were seductively shining at him before she leaned closer to him and kissed the corner of his lips. While her lips lingered there and softly caressed that very spot, her hands were back on his chest. Liz opened another button of his shirt and then her hands moved dangerously close to his belt. She deeply breathed him in, his unique and so familiar scent was increasing her desire and her need of being close to him. All these sensual touches of her were almost driving him crazy. By now he was sure that he couldn't take much more of that without responding properly. Red took a deep breath and whispered "Lizzie..." A moment later her lips left him and while she sought out his eyes, she responded in a seductive way "Red,...I don't want to sleep. I... I... want..." Their eyes were locked and neither of them spoke a word, while Red's mind was spinning around.

In that very moment he wanted to tell her how much she meant to him and that he was in love with her but he couldn't voice his feeling because he was simply speechless for a moment. He wanted to be under the illusion that Liz actually wanted him a little longer. It felt to good to believe that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Red took her hand and placed a meaningful kiss on it. He couldn't resist. He had to touch her at least in that way. Denying him that was too cruel. His Lips lingered a moment on her hand and he realized how deep his feelings truly were and he knew that he wanted to be the only man, who she would look at with those demanding eyes. Every fiber in his body was craving for her. But he knew that she would never felt that way about him, when she was sober. How could she? He wasn't one of the good guys, he never was and he never will be. All he could do was to protect her and care for her, no matter how painful it was that he couldn't be close to her in the way he wanted.

Red took his lips from her hand took her hand in his hand. Then he leaded her to the bed and said with tenderness "Lizzie... lay down, I will be right back." Liz smiled charmingly at him, licked her lips and her other hand lightly touched his check. She leaned closer to him and tenderly she nibbled at his earlobe. A moment later she whispered into his ear "I am counting on that." Red sighed and fixed his eyes on her while Liz placed herself on the bed. He was completely captivated by her and there was no escape. His eyes wandered from her face, to her breast, for a few seconds they lingered there, till they wandered along her hip and thighs.

This seductive sight would be etched on his memory. Red caught her eyes one more time and than he went into the other room and poured himself a drink. He hoped that she was asleep when he went back because his willpower was fading more and more. If she would look one more time at him the way she did a minute ago, he wouldn't resist anymore, he simply couldn't.

Fifteen minutes later he emptied his glass and breathed deeply before he went back to the room, where Liz was lying on the bed. He heard her soft but steady breathing and knew that she was asleep. A part of him was glad about that but another part wished she would be awake. He wanted her more than ever and yet he would never do anything that she might regret. For a long time he tried to deny how he felt about her. He told himself that she simply challenged him and that, that was the reason why he was attracted to her, but it was so much more than that. Something about her, something about the way she looked at him and talked to him, reached a part of his soul that no one else could reach. Liz was able to touch his soul, she could even touch parts that he thought were dead but she awoke feelings, he hadn't for a long time. Red didn't plan to fell in love with her, he couldn't even explain how or when it happened but it did and now he was more than aware of that. Now he knew that he couldn't pretend that it was nothing,

Red placed himself on the couch even though the bed was more than inviting but he couldn't trust himself. A moment later he closed his eyes and all he could think about was Liz. He could still feel her lips on his neck and now he was doomed. How was he supposed to think about anything else but this? The thought that he maybe would never be so close to her again, ached him and not just in his body, in his heart as well. That was another thing he had to live with from now on and there was nothing he could do to get this moment back. This moment would be like a lot of the other in his life. Gone and only in his memory. Red had a hard time finding sleep. Maybe he made a mistake and maybe this could have been a new beginning for him.

A moment later he shook his head. Deep down he was sure that she could never love him. Liz deserved someone much better than himself and yet he knew that no one could love her as much as he did. His mind refused to rest but he slowly felt asleep while he listened to her soft breathing.

The next morning

Liz slowly opened her eyes but the sun was burning too much and she closed them again. There was a drum in her head and even the waves of the ocean were too loud. She grunted and thought _God, how much wine did I have?_

All she knew was that the last time she was actually drunk and not just tipsy was her wedding night. A moment later she turned around, her hands wandered over the cold sheets and she started to wonder where Red was. Two minutes later he came into the room, fully dressed and said with a bright smile "Rise and shine, sweetheart." Liz took a pillow and throw it after him but she missed him, while she said angrily "Why are you screaming? What is wrong with you?" Red picked up the pillow, placed himself on the bed beside her and said softly "I am not screaming, Lizzie. I am speaking in a normal tone."

"No, you are not."

"Yes, I am." He pause, gave her two pills, a glass of water and continued "Here, take these. They will ease the headache." Liz took the pills and said "Thank you."

Red eyes softened and he asked in a deep almost whispering voice ""How are you feeling?"

"I feel... miserable..." Liz paused and studied him for a moment. He tried to hide it but there was an evil grin showing upon his lips. She sighed deeply and asked in an angry way "Do you think this is funny?"

"Lizzie, I would never find your pain amusing."

"Why didn't you stop me?" Red raised an eyebrow and in an indignantly way he asked "Stop you?"

Liz looked at him with the same expression and replied annoyed "Yes"

Red smiled, shook his head and a moment later he explained "First of all, I know that I can't stop you, even if I wanted to I couldn't. I know you and I know that you do whatever you want to do." He paused a moment, placed a finger on his scar and continued "This is prove enough that I can't stop you... besides that I thought that you deserved to have a break and believe me... You didn't do anything that could compromise our relation." Red was still smiling and his thoughts went involuntary back to last night.

Liz turned around, grunted in frustration and put the blanket over her head. Red chuckled and said "Breakfast is waiting for you downstairs."

"I don't think I can eat anything."

"But it will help with the hangover." He waited a moment but there was no reaction from her and so Red continued "You can't stay in bed all day."

"Why not?" she asked without turning to face him.

"Lizzie, I had a long talk this morning with Ricardo... William is in New York at the moment. We should move quickly before he is leaving town again."

Liz turned around and her gaze fell on his neck. Red had moved his position while she was turned to the other side and now she could see something on the other side of his neck. It looked like a hickey. Liz looked closer and realized that it definitive was a hickey but where did it came from? She was convinced that it wasn't there yesterday but she couldn't be responsible for that. Her eyes where fixed on his neck. Red sensed her distraction and said with a firm voice "Are you listening to me? Lizzie,... if we want to catch William, we have to leave rather sooner than later." Her eyes left his neck and went to his eyes while she responded in an annoyed way "Fine."

One hour later they were in the yet and Liz couldn't help herself wondering who was responsible for the hickey on Red's neck. She couldn't have done that. It was simple impossible and yet she was pretty sure that he hadn't the hickey when they arrived. She would have notice it. Liz absently shook her head and tried to recall what happened yesterday. She remembered the wine, the soothing sound of the ocean waves and the softness of Red's skin when they were dancing on the terrace, his scent and how much she enjoyed the closeness between them. But after the dance it was all unclear. Liz tried to remember but it was in vain because she couldn't focus.

The headache was still there and the weird feeling in her stomach was worrying her a bit. The sway from the yet was terrible and Liz hoped that she wouldn't throw up.

Red noticed her discomfort and he wondered how much she remembered, while his eyes were studying her. A moment later he leaned a little closer to her and asked softly "How is your head?" Liz looked into his eyes and answered "Still terrible." Red placed himself besides her and softly he laid his hand on her temples and started to massaged them in a tender circles. It felt so good that Liz couldn't even protest and so she closed her eyes and relaxed. It was frightening how safe she felt when she was around him. She shouldn't feel safe with him and she shouldn't sit here and be relaxed because he was giving her a massage and yet that was exactly what she felt. Safe and relaxed.

After twenty minutes Red realized that she fell asleep because her back and her head rested entirely on his chest. Red continued to massage her for some minutes till his fingers started to prickle. He leaned into his seat, breathed her in and closed his eyes. It didn't took long for him to fell asleep too. Normally he never fell asleep that easily. Sometimes he didn't sleep at all. Too many memories and too many thoughts were keeping him awake but now while he was holding her in his arms sleep came so easy. Knowing that she was safe in his arms put his mind and his heart at ease.


	6. Chapter 6

Three hours later the yet landed at the New Yorker airport. Red and Liz hadn't spoke a word since the massage. Red had no idea what was going on in her head. The minute she woke up she changed her behavior towards him. Liz was a little distanced to him and avoided eye contact but he didn't knew why. Maybe it was because of the things that happened between them or maybe her hungover was more worse than he thought. Red leaded Liz to the car and when they both were sitting in the backseat Liz asked "Did Ricardo tell you where exactly William is?"

"No, but I have a contact who will be meeting William in half an hour and we will be there, too. All we have to do then.. is catch him."

"That easy?"

"That easy... How is the head?" Liz sought out his eyes and said "My head is better... thanks to you."

"You're welcome." His eyes were fixed on her and he started to wonder how much she remembered and while Liz was looking into his eyes, she still wondered, who was responsible for the hickey on his neck. But before she could drift deeper into that thought she heard him talking to Dembe. A moment later Dembe stopped the car and Red stepped out. Five seconds later Red opened Lizzie's door and helped her out of the car. Liz looked around and said "Do you really think that this is the right place?"

"I know that this is the right place, Lizzie but I don't know why that is so unbelievable to you. "

"Well, that is a church."

"Riverside church... to be precise."

A moment later Red and Liz entered the church. Red saw William immediately who was standing beside the altar and said in a low voice "William." William turned around to face Red and said with a smile "Reddington... you must be thrilled that you finally found me... It was Ricardo, wasn't it?... I never should have trusted that drunken idiot."

"Ricardo is a very wise man, William. You on the other hand are careless. We both knew it was only a matter of time."

"What do you want, Reddington?"

"Information about a man named Berlin." William stepped closer to Red, chuckled and replied "You should know better than to ask me for information, you know I never tell..." He paused and gazed to Liz. His eyes were traveling over her body and a moment later he asked " Who is she?"

Red shook his head and explain in a petty voice "She doesn't matter. All I want is everything you know about Berlin, then you can go." This time William burst into laughter for a long moment. Red simply watched him and smiled.

"Reddington, you are funny, you know." He paused a moment, stopped laughing and then he continued angrily "How naive do you think I am? What do you take me for? A fool? You always think you are so much smarter than anybody else but you aren't smarter than I am. We both know you will kill me after you get what you want." With that said William drew his weapon and pointed his gun to Red.

Liz watched this and tried to drew her gun, too but William was faster and pointed his gun to her and said "Oh... I wouldn't do that, if I were you." Red inhaled deeply and said while he tried to look disinterested "William, there is no need..." But William interrupted him and said with a stern voice "Shut up, ….just shut up. I really hate your voice and you really talk too much... I should have killed you, when I had the chance... I never liked you. Truth is... I despise you. You always think you get what you want... but not today... All you get today is a bullet in your heart."

William still pointed his gun to Liz but his eyes shifted back to Red. He stepped closer, looked into his eyes and asked Red with a devious smile "What is that in your eyes? Do I see... concern? So untypically for you..." William paused, looked at Liz and saw that her eyes were fixed on Red. A moment later William cleared his throat and explained with a triumphant gesture " She is important to you, isn't she?... You care for her... and I always thought you were mister inscrutable... You are getting careless, Reddington. How fortunate for me. That spices things up. Now I will enjoy killing her and letting you watch even more."

Red tried to move but William hold his gun to Liz's head and said mockingly "Tut-tut, you can't avoid the inevitable. I will kill her and then I kill you."

Reds eyes shifted back to William while he said " You better kill me now, William or I kill you."

"Ha, ha such an arrogate ass, aren't you? You are in no position to throw threats here. I am the man with the gun and you are helpless. All you can do is watch... even though I have to admit.. it is always a shame to kill a pretty young woman."

William breathed deeply in and then he fired his gun. Red threw himself in front of her and took the bullet for her. Right before the bullet hit him, Liz pulled the trigger of her gun and shoot William right in his heart. All three of them were lying on the ground. It all happened in less than a second.

William was dead. A moment later Liz realized that Red was shot in the right chest. All she saw, was blood. Before she could process all of that Dembe run in the church and knelt down beside Red and asked in a worried way "Raymond, how bad is it?" But Red didn't answer and Dembe called Mr. Kaplan. A moment later he looked at Liz and said "We have to get him into the car and you have to keep him awake. Okay?"

Liz could only nod. Two minutes later Red was lying in the backseat. His head was softly placed in Liz's lap. She stroked over his head and whispered with tears in her eyes "Red,... stay awake for me, okay? Keep your eyes open...for me, please. Don't leave me... Hold on. Please for me...I need you." Finally their eyes met and Liz continued "You will be fine. Stay with me." Red nodded weakly but a second later he closed his eyes and the last thing on his mind was Liz and her words. They echoed in his mind.

Twenty minutes later they finally reached the safe house where Mr. Kaplan was already waiting for them. Liz watched her while she removed the bullet from his chest. She was frozen and all she noticed was blood and the painfully sighs from Red. She hadn't time to admire the beautiful bedroom, nor the luxurious king-size bed. She didn't know how long she was standing there but after a while she felt an arm on her arm. It was Dembe who leaded her out of the room and placed her on the couch in the living room. He gave her a glass of water and said "You should drink. You look like you are about to pass out."

"Thank you." Liz took the glass and drank it, a moment later she caught Dembe`s eyes and he knew what she was thinking but before she could phrase any concern he said "He is in good hands. He will be fine. Don't worry, he has been worse." She nodded, bus she wasn't fully convinced and Dembe left again. Liz felt restless and looked out of the window. It was the same house they were having the discussion before they visit Ricardo. She remembered him saying to watch the sunset and he was right. It was beautiful indeed but she couldn't really admire it. All she could think of was how he risked his life again in order to save her. Now she knew more than ever that she couldn't lose him too, not after everything she had lost. He didn't even hesitated a moment, when he throw himself in front of her to save her. Red would die for her, she just didn't knew why and maybe she would never knew but right now it wasn't important. Right now all that matters was that he would survive.

It was already dark outside when Mr. Kaplan entered the living room. Liz was curled up on the sofa and her eyes were closed. Mr. Kaplan took a blanket and placed it softly over Liz. A moment later she placed herself on the couch and sighed deeply. Half an hour later Liz woke up and found Mr. Kaplan still sitting right beside her. Liz looked at her and asked in a concerned way "How is he?"

She smiled and reassured her "He is fine. Still asleep, but fine. See for yourself. I am sure he would appreciate the company and I can make myself and Dembe a cup of tea while you watch him for a moment."

Liz nodded and went into the bedroom. Dembe turned around, smiled and left the room. Liz stepped closer to the bed and watched him. He looked peacefully asleep, she thought, whiled she sat down carefully on his bed. She couldn't help but one hand of her found his face and softly stroked over his cheek. She was really happy that he was alive.

_So much for not caring about him_, she coursed herself. What was wrong with her?

A moment later she heard him sigh and he slowly opened his eyes. Liz softly whispered "Red, it's me, how are you feeling?"

His hand was looking for hers and he weakly squeeze it when he found her hand, while saying "I am fine. How are you?"

She shook her head and said "You are the one, who was shoot, my well-being is of no interest right now."

"It is for me... How are you feeling?" One finger softly brushed over her hand. He was grateful for the comfort even though a part of him didn't like it that she saw him like this, but the warm feeling in his heart while their were touching, was worth losing a bit pride.

Liz sighed deeply and said "I am exhausted... and glad that you are okay..." She paused and her eyes were getting wet. Red sought out her eyes and almost pleaded "Lizzie."

Liz stopped him with a wave of her other hand and explained "I am fine... I was just scared I …. I though you wouldn't surv..." But Red didn't let her finish that sentence and said in a low comforting voice " But I did. I am here Lizzie... and I have no intention of leaving you."

"You saved me... again... and I never thank you for..." She wanted to say more but his action silenced her. He took her hand, moved it to his lips and place a lingering tender Kiss on it. A moment later he said "There is no need. I would do it over and over again."

Red coughed a little and Liz wanted to get up while she asked in a concerned way "Are you okay? Do you need anything...?" Red gripped her arm and assured her "Lizzie,... I am just tired..."

Liz stroked over his cheek again, smiled softly and whispered "Close your eyes. I am here." And he he closed his eyes while she was gently caressing over his face and her other hand was holding his hand. He wanted to stay awake and indulge in her touches but he was too exhausted. Some minutes later he drifted into a deep dreamless sleep. Liz stayed with him all night. Her eyes and her hands never left him that night.

It was early morning and still dark outside, when Mr. Kaplan entered the room and asked in a whisper "How are you, dearie?"

Liz looked at her and with a light smile she answered "Fine."

"I have to change his bandages and you should eat something. Get some rest."

"Yeah." was Liz answer, while she quietly left the room and went back into the living room. Dembe was sitting on the couch and gave her a cup of coffee. Liz took the cup, smiled and said "Thank you."

Dembe nodded and while Liz took a sip he asked "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am fine but I should... go... it was a long day and a long night.. I have to inform Cooper...Call me when..." He interrupted her with a smile and said "I will give you a call but he is fine. Don't worry about him. He is though as …." This time Liz interrupted him and said convincing "I know."

So she left, took a taxi, went straight to the post office and informed Cooper. Cooper was sitting behind his desk while Liz was standing in front of the desk. He listened to her and when she was finished he said " We are still there where we were when you left."

"I know, sir. It was all completely in vain but I had to shot William. He wanted to kill me and then Reddington."

Cooper cleared his throat and explained "I don't doubt that. I am sure you did what you had to do." He paused a moment, examined her and acknowledged how exhausted and tired she looked. Cooper sighed and ordered "Go home Keen, rest and sleep. I am sure Reddington will bother you sooner than you think." Liz nodded and left his office.

At the same time Red remembered what Liz said to him. How soft her hands were, when she caressed his face. It made getting shot worth it and he would do it again and again. Her words still echoed in his mind. _Stay with me._ He would never forget those three words. They meant a lot to him because usually she said things like go to hell or we are done but now she wanted him to stay. A part of him admonished himself to be careful because after all she only acted on emotions when he got shot. She thought he would die, that is why she said those things and yet he felt that their relationship had changed. Everything that happened when they were at Ricardo`s villa and everything she said when he got shot. Red was sure that this meant something and that this was a new beginning for both of them. Most likely it would never be as he wanted it to be but they come a long way and she did care for him. What more could he ask of? That is all he ever hoped for and that was finally happen. Somewhere deep in the corner of his mind he fantasized about her, while he laid there in his bed and went down a dangerous road because he played out how it would ended at Ricardo`s, if he hadn't stopped her. He indulged in those memories. After all he was allowed to dream a little.

Half an hour later Liz finally arrived at her apartment. She took of her coat and sighed deeply, when she finally set down on her couch. She closed her eyes and finally she started to remembered what happened after she dance with Red and they went back into their room. It struck her like a lightening. She could smell his cologne mixed with his unique scent and she remembered how close they were. She kissed him and she was responsible for the hickey. Liz grunted and felt ashamed. How could that ever happened? How could she do that? She went into to bathroom and looked into the mirror while she cursed herself.

_What was I thinking? Why did I kiss him? _

Then her inner voice pushed forward and asked and why did it felt so good?

_Don't go there_ she reminded herself. Then she remembered that he rejected her.

She tried to seduce him and he rejected her. She felt silly and embarrassed, when she thought about that. At least now she knew that he hadn't that kind of interest in her. He didn't wanted her. Maybe he thought of her as a daughter after all, that was the only conclusion she could come to. She needed to distract herself. Why would she care, if he wanted her or not.

_He killed my father_ she reminded herself. _He is a criminal. _

Why would she even want someone like him? It was simply ridiculous and wrong. And all the wine faults. The past months were hard and life changing, no wonder she relaxed a little too much. She should simply forget that it ever happened. Red seem to have forgotten it already and so could she. There was no way she ever wanted him in a not drunk state. Liz tried to convince herself of that. _He is an asset._ She doesn't care about him. Well, she doesn't care that much about him and certainly don't want to kiss him again. She needed to clear her mind and a hot long bath would do exactly that.


End file.
